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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
What if the weather talks about us?
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.