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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.