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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas