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I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.