Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands