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Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
I need new swear words.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.