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Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.