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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!