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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
I laugh in the face of normal.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.