Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.