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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.