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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
I just broke my record for most days lived.
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control