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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
We get it poets: things are like other things
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"