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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm