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Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.