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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
I flunked anger management class.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
he who laughs last thinks slow
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?