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I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.