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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.