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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.