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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..