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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
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I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?