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There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.