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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
My misery likes tequila, not company.