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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.