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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
I think I may be getting harder to love.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."