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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.