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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.