Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.