Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.