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Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
A slug is just a divorced snail.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.