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Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.