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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? Iām always ready for bed
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.