Daily Silly Status

I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.

Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..

If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.

Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.

I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!

Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.

How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.

"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer

My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.

My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.

I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.

People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.

How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.

I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.