Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone