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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.