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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
There is no time to check time
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?