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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke