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Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener