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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
Lol at birds that walk places.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well