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Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.