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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
I think eating is my kind of sport.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought Iād take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."