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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.