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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?