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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Gym update: not there
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
My misery likes tequila, not company.