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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.