Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...