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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!