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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.