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Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
is ready to have one too many!