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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.