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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned