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Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.