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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I just ran a .003048K
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.