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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.