Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
It may look like Iām in deep thought, but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Bored, so Iām going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him Iām him from the future.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.