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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.