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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.