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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
No pants are the best pants.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
Check this one out.........1
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.