Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour