Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.