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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
This status is mine....I licked it.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.